PRACTICAL RESOURCES: Ministers rated by their names

According to a new and useful semiotic theory, in order to truly understand meaning the world should be reduced to its constituent signs and symbols. We asked Tartu semioticians and American advertising psychologists to analyze and grade Estonian ministers not on their performance, but on their names. We also asked a UK based consultancy, Ad Hominame, to suggest alternatives.  

Helir-Valdor Seeder A+

Agriculture

This is simply a superb name, especially since it's position-appropriate. He's got to be a hit with headline writers. And the first name is about as mellifluous as you can get. "Is your name High Elvish?" is a question Mr. Seeder undoubtedly gets a lot in the halls of Brussels. 

Mart Laar  C-

Defense

In English, a Mart is a commercial center, while "Laar" has no meaning, though it can be mistaken for several other words. In the Deep South, if you called a man a "laar", you would be asserting that he is chronically accuracy-averse.  In Estonian, a "laar" can be a load of laundry. Markets and laundry - an odd mix for such a principled politician. If it wasn't such a brand by now, and you had a guy in his late 20s who wanted to become  prime minister, I would advise him to change it to something else. Like "Mark Starr", maybe.

Other suggestions: Mark Larch, Marco Starr. 

Kristen Michal D

Justice 

He's one of those ministers people are forever getting mixed up with other ministers -- mainly Ken-Marti Vaher. The first name is transgender, and I respect that.  But it's also unclear how to pronounce Michal in Estonian. The French "ch" or the German "ch?  I usually mumble or cover my mouth  if I am in a position where I have to say his name.  Or I just call him Mr. Vaher.

Other suggestions: Kristina Michaels, Crystal Micra

Ken-Marti Vaher (see Kristen Michal) B+

Interior

A fascinating, complex name.  "Ken" is a somewhat poncy name, it makes me think of action dolls and sci-fi, but I think the Marti ("Marty") cements it. It's pure anti-machismo. It's fruity and light, and Ken-Marti does have a clean-cut perky (though certainly not fruity) kind of personality. In the US, "Ken and Marty" conjures up the sense of some couple in the neighborhood you have known for simply ages, "over to Ken and Marti's for the barbecue" -- pure familiarity. Of course, in Miami, Marti has other associations. Vaher means "maple" in Estonian and that adds another splash of lively color. something you don't associate with Interior MInister, generally a dour, grey position.  But then again, you think of Minister of Interior Decoration, and you think, that could work... 

Rein Lang B

Culture

"Rein Lang?" "Yes, for days on end, and then the sun came out." Or, "If he ruled his culture ministry with an iron fist, they would call him Iron Lang." Yes, I know. But although it can be fun, this name is too truncated and cavemannish for me. 

Jürgen Ligi C

Finance

I have no associations whatsoever with this name. It's manly, somewhat staid, I don't know.  It doesn't make me laugh. Can I pass?

Other suggestions: George Gini 

Andrus Ansip A

Prime Minister

If you told me that both of a guy's names were homonyms for taking one's clothes off, and that he was the prime minister, I would say you were joking. Fantastic name, and he's not even French. What keeps it from being an A+ is the fact that it's too obvious - to create true meaning, a semiotic sign must hover in the subconscious.  

Juhan Parts A-

Economy

Pronounced  roughly "YOU-hand parts". Enough said.  He's clearly a walking invitation to Ansip.  What I don't like is that his first name sounds like the Chinese currency. That's a liability. Docked a notch for that. 

Jaak Aaviksoo B-

Education

It is a satisfying, easy name to say. I believe it means Aspenmarsh, which might be  interesting to someone.

Other suggestions: Jack  Aspenmarsh, Jack Aspenmount

Keit Pentus A
Environment


A name with a geometric ring and good balance of first-name and last-name sounds.  It also immediately made me think of Penthouse, an elite piece of real estate at the top of a building in the "City".